I am not stupid anymore..

Neva contact mi 4 2daes.. nt even a single msg.. i oso tod i can start 2 put himm down slowly le.. bt guess what.. he sent mi a msg 2dae.. at 1st i don feel lik replyin.. den he start 2 sent another msg.. dis ish de msg content btw us:

He: I knw u damn piss off of the photo... but u dun even ask me y i have it thre... n let ur imagination run wild..
Me: Ok. I let u explain. U giv mi an explaination.
He: Tt pic was taken 1 day by them...my big 1 took the phone n play which i left at hme cos i terminated the other line...so whn i brought the phone on fri to standby tis hp low batt...i oni change the sim card in the train b4 i mit u...n since thre is notg to hide frm u so i din change it bk
Me: Oh reli. Den why u seem 2 afraid wen i try 2 tak a look at yr phone. Why dint u explain on the spot wen i piss off?
He: I knw u will piss of whn u c it....whn i ask u wat happen u js keep sayin notg...wat u wan me to say...js take it tt im liein to u den..
Me: Since u noe i wil piss off why dint u chg yr pic in de 1st place den? Wat u r sayin ish contradictin. Pls la. Cock up wif beta excuses lei. I noe i blive ppl easily but not 2 dis extent la

Weneva he noe tt smth ish gg wrong btw us den he wil bcom so carin so good 2 mi.. treat mi jus lik a gem.. wen dere ish nth on wat he treat mi lik?.. rubbish.. pls la.. i hav had enuf.. i m tired n sick of everythin ald.. euu force mi de.. givin euu chance agn & agn.. euu don appreciate wat i hav done.. takin granted & upset mi further & further.. dono hw 2 cherish wen chance ish given euu.. dis ish wat euu deserve & serve euu rite.. i m glad tt i finally can c my direction agn.. no longer lik a headless chicken anymore.. i wil move on..

There is an end to everything...

Finally, everythin hav com 2 de end. No more doubts no more confusion. No more guessin game. i wil no longer b tired n upset by euu any longer. Now i noe why wat happen 2 caused euu 2 chg 2 nolonger hu i used 2 noe. Happy family indeed uh. Nice photo. She ish beri pretty. Cherish her. No nid lie 2 mi anymore. Thx 4 puttin effort 2 put up a show n dose lies. I hav enuf of everythin n i wil nt fal into it agn. Ish a nice ending. Last long wif her. euu hav my best wishings & blessings. Don try 2 act lik a saint in front of mi agn & no nid 2 pretend lik a victim act pity 2 seek my sympathy. i hav given euu enuf. don ask 4 more & don tak it 4 granted anymore. 1ce & 1ce agn. no more 2ce. I m die hearted here nw. no more chance 4 mi 2 revive agn. Now euu can FUCK OFF my life my world le. Euu dis BLOODY HELL BASTARD CUM JERK CUM ASSHOLE. KNN. CCB. GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meaningless...

Hmm.. hav a long weekend dis week.. bt stil nt enuf 4 mi.. my bro & family & chun comin out.. yeah.. gt 2 c my beloved niece.. 1 month onli gt 2 c her 1ce.. chun wil b comin out 2 look 4 a job n work.. he ish stayin in sg at my another cousin hse.. hav a few daes wif dem.. on fri mi hou n chun went 2 jp walk walk c c.. hav quite sum fun at dere wif dem.. at nite we went 2 party world at 399 sang fr 8-12.. de 3 of us damn high at dere de la.. lol.. sing n dance n drink lik nobidy business.. haha.. dint noe chun ish tt type of guy.. let mi c de another side of him.. i oways tod he ish dose quiet guy.. tt nite reli let mi drop my jaws.. nv judge its book by its cover uh.. haha.. sat ish a reli a good experience 4 mi of takin care a baby.. lol.. my bro n his wife went 2 slp bt my niece stil don 1 slp.. den my bro throw her 2 mi 2 tak care.. i carry her 2 my room let her crawl ard.. she ish beri clever de lo.. i place her on my bed she 1 2 com down she look on de ground use her hand 2 touch de ground c hw high ish de bed wen she noe de bed nt tt high she turn ard let her legs drop on de ground 1st den de body landed.. lol.. crawlin ard til ard 1 smth can she gettin tired le i carry her on de bed patted her on her butt 4 her 2 slp within 5 min she fal aslp le.. lol.. she slp in de middle of my bed la.. mine ish onli a single bed i gt nt enuf space 2 slp lo.. wen i 1 2 slp i push her 2 1 side so tt i can squeeze onto de bed.. lol.. den she toss here n dere.. so rough.. toss til i gt no space ald i hav 2 squeeze 2 a corner 2 slp.. den she stil 1 2 toss i reli no space ald.. den i don care her let her cant toss.. wen she cant toss she started 2 cry la.. wat 2 do.. i hav 2 let her toss den i slp side way.. den she toss agn.. omg.. i push her 2 1 side let her toss.. de whole nite ish lik dis lo.. til morn i wake up c hw she ish i found tt she slp vertcal ytd den morn i find her slp wif de head at my side n de leg at another side which mean she made a 90 degree turn.. -__-.. she woke up ard 7 smth 8 lik dis i noe she ish waken bt i don care her cos i stil 1 2 slp.. haha.. til 9 lik dis she cry agn den i noe she ish hungry le i woke up n prepare her milk 4 her.. after finish de milk i stil 1 2 slp den i oso try 2 coax her 2 slp oso.. bt she don 1 slp la.. i hav 2 keep awake 2 accompany her.. switch on de tv n watch cartoon wif her.. den her mum woke n carry her back.. dou ish quite tirin takin care of her bt i thin dis ish a nice experience 4 mi 4 1ce or twice.. nt daily!.. @_@.. she ish gg bac 2dae le.. gotta miss her lots.. wil b seein her 1 mth ltr.. humph..
thin everythin ish finally comin 2 de end ba.. dou it hurts alot bt short term ish beta den long term pain ba.. let time heals everythin.. time wil prove it..

Tired...

Hmmm.. guess what.. i m now at outside at beauty world centre bloggin nw.. at de 24hr irc here.. ppl come here play lan or wateva game de n i m here bloggin.. feelin kinda stupid la.. bt bo bian i gt nth 2 do.. ll, wz, qw, ly, hb, kelvin and louis at here playin cs & L4D.. i m nt tt type of gamin ppl la so i nv play.. end up surfin de net n bloggin here.. lol.. dey all sae beri fun bt somhw it jus don interest mi at all.. i thin i m de onli 1 com here n use com nt playin game nia.. haha.. cool uh.. dey keep say 1 teach mi play n sae i wil love it de.. bt i keep rejectin dey offer.. lol.. thx lots anw.. 2dae ish fri finally end of 1 week of sch le.. i m yr 2 nw.. seem so stress after wat dose teacher tel us abt wat we gg 2 do thru out de whole yr.. all de module i studyin nw ish so diff fr 1st yr la.. seem so chiminology n diff.. stressed uh.. jus de 1st week of yr 2 i ald feel so stressed le dono wat i gg 2 do 4 de rest of the yr sia.. gotta buck up n study harder le.. nt lik yr 1 idlin ard.. hope i can mak it 4 dis yr ba.. humph.. feelin so tired of everythin.. sch, family & esp euu tt mak mi feel so fucked n sick.. i reli dono wat 2 do wif euu.. somtime reli feel lik givin up bt jus cant put it down.. i m fallin so deep n hard tt i cant pick myself up.. any1 dere 2 lend mi a helpin hand.. guess no1 can help mi wif it except mi ba.. hais.. i thin ish time 4 mi 2 play my game le.. i onli interested 2 play viwawa nia.. lol..

Clueless..

Hmm.. i dono wat 2 do.. sld i giv up or conti lik dis.. i reali dono wat 2 do.. i hav tried n wanted 2 giv up a few times bt i realise i cant do it.. i tried beri hard le.. i don giv up i feel so sufferin feel so upset n disappointed.. if i giv up i feel so sufferin n upset 2.. my heart ish so pain.. feel so suffocated.. my mind ish full of him.. dou hu understand wat ish gg on sure wil feel tt i sld nt carry on cos of de reasons dey noe.. i noe i sld nt carry on de.. bt som hw my feelin keep makin mi carry on wif my mistakes.. i bcom so irrational.. wat ish so good abt him 2 mak mi feel so obsessed abt him?.. i don even noe myself.. i feel so messy.. feel so fucked up.. everytime i try 2 b hard n harsh on him by nt replyin his sms bt in de end everytime i replied him.. i couldn put my self down.. i oways tod i m a ppl hu can tak up n put down easy ppl bt i thin i m wrong.. i m nt as strong as i thin.. i m jus tt weak.. i thin i hav fal deeply le.. so hard.. pain til i dono myself.. can i trust euu?.. r euu a ppl 2 b trusted.. r euu lyin mi?.. i dono.. i tend 2 blive ppl easily in de end oways got deceive n fal n hurt myself.. i dono m i 2 sensitive or m i rite.. euu r oways tt suspicious.. everytime i ask euu euu oways com up wif good reasons.. ish dose lies or truth.. i reali dono.. onli euu noe yrself.. hope euu dui de qi yrself.. i thin i wil giv up de onli i nid time n hav de enuf determination n will den i wil b able 2 do so ba.. do euu reali treat mi wif yr heart or r euu jus tryin 2 play wif mi?.. do euu reali love mi wif yr heart seriously or r euu jus jokin wif mi.. urrgh.. i feel so fucked n fed up.. jus lik a headless chicken runnin ard.. i nid a direction.. dou he ish unfair 2 mi bt i stil choose dis path.. i deserve it n serve mi right 2 b lik dis.. i m jus a simple gal.. i don nid anythin.. i jus nid som or yt time ish tt so diff?.. i m so sick of waitin.. euu oways mak mi wait.. disappoin mi agn n agn.. upset mi agn n agn.. i stil chose 2 4giv euu.. i m jus tt stupid.. tt naive.. i m jus tt utterly disappointed.. tt utterly tired.. tt utterly sick.. disappointment sufferin n unhapiness ish tt so much more den happiness n laughter.. Do euu ever spare a tod fr mi.. i doubt so.. euu onli care 4 yrself.. thin 4 yr own.. euu nv care 4 my feelin at all.. euu onli 1 2 b hapi bt euu dono i m sacrificin my self 2 let euu b hapi n end up sadness 4 my own.. i feel lik i m nth bt jus a toy or puppet of yrs.. hapi n free den look mi up don nid mi den throw mi aside lik no body business.. hu m i de hell 2 euu?.. i m hurt times n times agn by euu bt times n times agn i stil fal 2 euu.. i wil c hw it goes.. conti 2 go ahead or i wil turn my back.. wait til i hav collapse n i wil surrender de game n everythin ish game over 4 us.. i wil giv up.. tt de end n full stop.. i wish 2 b de old mi sa tuo de guo sheng huo..

Fucked Up...

Hmm.. beri long nv update my blog le.. been beri busy wif my work n no time 4 blog.. anw no mood 2 blog oso.. feel so fucked up.. hmm.. sch startin tml le.. damn sian uh.. don feel lik gg sch.. i don lik sch life.. gt used 2 no sch le.. nw gg 2 re-adapt sch life agn le.. sian siaN siAN sIAN SIAN!!!.. gotta mis my life workin at jubilant le dou stil wil b gg back 2 work on tue n wed bt cant go work everydae.. gg mis dose beloved colleagues n boss.. thin dey gg 2 mis mi oso ba.. lol.. ytd went 4 sec sch gatherin at sentosa.. oso sian la.. bt ish a good 1 2 meet up wif old frene.. all look omost de same onli a few of dem seem 2 eat beta uh all bcom plumper.. den qi liang chg quite a lot i cant even recognise.. lol.. my laopo zhen quan bcom thinner le.. poor thin.. pls eat more n bcom fatter euu onli left bones nia i cant feel any flesh.. n go hav more tann euu r 2 white le.. ytd ard 20 plus ppl turn up 4 de gatherin ba.. de grp ish split into 3 grp.. mi yp jovell n pamela ish 1 grp cos we don 1 get tann so we stae in de shade de whole dae we did nth much onli playin card game.. dou we stae in de shade de whole dae bt mi n yp stil gt tann n we gt sunburnt.. wtf.. i hate sunburnt la n even hate 2 bcom dark.. ish beri es 4 mi 2 bcom dark bt ish beri diff 4 mi 2 bcom white.. urrgh.. i hate it.. ytd smth happenin happen.. dere ish dis uncle keep hangin ard our area.. we spotted him beri long ald.. he look so wierd n suspicious.. he keep lookin at us n keep lookin at de life guard.. at 1st mi n zq tod he ish gay jus 1 2 peep at guy.. we keep lookin at him.. den suddenly he pick 2 bags n leave beri fast.. dose bags were 2 japanese bags startin we tod ish his bag or wat den we feel kinda wierd n thin hw com uncle tak gal bag den wen he leave his look ish lik "i am a thief".. mi n zq stare at him takin de bag away we stunned la dono wat 2 do den let him gt away.. wth.. we so guilty sia.. den we kip lookin 4 de owner of dose bags den dey finally com bac n i told dem wat happen.. dey look so relax sia.. lik nth happen can even smile n laugh.. den after tt dey left n we took a few grp photo n mi n yp left le.. hmm.. my phone so fucked up sia.. i jus bought nt long den nw so many prob.. i oways tod nokia provide good brand phone.. bt i thin i m wrong sia.. i bought Nokia 5310.. jus ard 2 week dou drop 1 time bt so many prob ald.. last time no matter hw many time i drop nokia fone stil function so well.. bt nt dis time round.. de fone keep on hanged la.. keep auto shut.. de most funny n wierd thin ish de fone occur lik dis onli wen i type msg wen i type de word "lor" or wen i nid 2 type 5 6 & 7 tgt den it wil lik dis.. wtf.. hu can help n tel mi wat ish gg wrong why dis ish happenin?..

No More Night Out... No Drinking... No Smoking

Humph.. no more nite out 4 mi le.. gotta reach home wen sunset.. sadded la.. lik kena probation lik dis lor.. cos of wat?.. cos of my bad luck.. a few daes ago i dreamt abt myself pass away den hold funeral all sort of crap la.. my mama n him oso eyelid keep jumping 4 de whole dae.. kinda eerie uh.. den my mama n other frene sae nt good lei mus go ask dua di ah pek n c hw lor.. den wed i go 2 tt place agn.. haha.. as expected i c de handsom di ah pek.. i noe his name le.. he cal michael.. he ish a humorous guy lor.. gt 2 chat wif him tt dae.. he resemble my frene nicholas.. lol.. back 2 topic.. den i went 2 seek da ah pek.. he keep shakin his head lor.. he tel mi my luck ish bad dis month cos of qing ming festival.. i dreamt abt tt ish a beri bad dream den sae he wil help mi n lucky i cam in time.. he sae tt dose 'good bros' ish lookin 4 mi 1 2 harm n tak away my life lor.. he sae i wil b able 2 c dem agn dis month den ask mi i scare ma.. i sae i don scare la cos c until don 1 c ald ma.. den he sae den euu 1 2 c som more la.. den i lugh n sae don 1 la.. hee.. den he oso sae tt he help mi 2ce ald cant oways help mi.. ask mi bcareful.. don go out at nite if possible.. mus reach home wen sunset.. wth.. sian uh.. i onli go out at nite de lei.. den i oso ask abt my back ache prob cos it started 2 pain agn.. den he ask mi whether i gt drink ma.. i was lik.. eeer.. don dare 2 ans him la.. cos my mama dono i drink den she ish bside mi.. bt i stil admit in de end.. den he ask mi 1 quit drinkin.. hmm.. i sld b able 2 quit ba since i addicted nt long onli.. a few months ago i hav 2 drink 1ce a week bt recently i gt 2 drink everydae lei.. bt i stil manage 2 say 'no' wen ytd ppl offer mi 2 drink.. haha.. aizai sia.. den after tt he oso ask mi whether i gt smoke ma.. i more scare 2 ans him la.. i keep stammer.. actually 1 2 deny de.. bt i thin he noe le i stil admit in de end.. in my mind i was lik shit la.. die ald.. wtf.. mama sure wil hack mi la.. den he oso ask mi 2 quit oso.. humph.. no smoking.. no drinking.. no nite outing.. WTF!.. sen man guan uh.. i can minimise nite outin.. i can try nt 2 drink bt i cant quit smokin la.. so i stil conti smokin.. haha.. den after tt wen we on de way home.. as expected.. my mama reali niam mi.. ask mi wen i bcom lik dis.. cam 2 learn all dis.. my mama don lik ppl 2 drink de n don lik gals 2 smoke.. den i sae i onli occasionally onli la.. i wil stop de la=X.. den she sae tt actually she ald noe i gt smoke de cos wen i secretly smoke at home she can smel it.. bt she dint expose mi la.. heng uh.. reli unexpected lor.. my mama nv scold mi tt jia lat lik i thin.. *phew*..