Tired...

Hmmm.. guess what.. i m now at outside at beauty world centre bloggin nw.. at de 24hr irc here.. ppl come here play lan or wateva game de n i m here bloggin.. feelin kinda stupid la.. bt bo bian i gt nth 2 do.. ll, wz, qw, ly, hb, kelvin and louis at here playin cs & L4D.. i m nt tt type of gamin ppl la so i nv play.. end up surfin de net n bloggin here.. lol.. dey all sae beri fun bt somhw it jus don interest mi at all.. i thin i m de onli 1 com here n use com nt playin game nia.. haha.. cool uh.. dey keep say 1 teach mi play n sae i wil love it de.. bt i keep rejectin dey offer.. lol.. thx lots anw.. 2dae ish fri finally end of 1 week of sch le.. i m yr 2 nw.. seem so stress after wat dose teacher tel us abt wat we gg 2 do thru out de whole yr.. all de module i studyin nw ish so diff fr 1st yr la.. seem so chiminology n diff.. stressed uh.. jus de 1st week of yr 2 i ald feel so stressed le dono wat i gg 2 do 4 de rest of the yr sia.. gotta buck up n study harder le.. nt lik yr 1 idlin ard.. hope i can mak it 4 dis yr ba.. humph.. feelin so tired of everythin.. sch, family & esp euu tt mak mi feel so fucked n sick.. i reli dono wat 2 do wif euu.. somtime reli feel lik givin up bt jus cant put it down.. i m fallin so deep n hard tt i cant pick myself up.. any1 dere 2 lend mi a helpin hand.. guess no1 can help mi wif it except mi ba.. hais.. i thin ish time 4 mi 2 play my game le.. i onli interested 2 play viwawa nia.. lol..

Clueless..

Hmm.. i dono wat 2 do.. sld i giv up or conti lik dis.. i reali dono wat 2 do.. i hav tried n wanted 2 giv up a few times bt i realise i cant do it.. i tried beri hard le.. i don giv up i feel so sufferin feel so upset n disappointed.. if i giv up i feel so sufferin n upset 2.. my heart ish so pain.. feel so suffocated.. my mind ish full of him.. dou hu understand wat ish gg on sure wil feel tt i sld nt carry on cos of de reasons dey noe.. i noe i sld nt carry on de.. bt som hw my feelin keep makin mi carry on wif my mistakes.. i bcom so irrational.. wat ish so good abt him 2 mak mi feel so obsessed abt him?.. i don even noe myself.. i feel so messy.. feel so fucked up.. everytime i try 2 b hard n harsh on him by nt replyin his sms bt in de end everytime i replied him.. i couldn put my self down.. i oways tod i m a ppl hu can tak up n put down easy ppl bt i thin i m wrong.. i m nt as strong as i thin.. i m jus tt weak.. i thin i hav fal deeply le.. so hard.. pain til i dono myself.. can i trust euu?.. r euu a ppl 2 b trusted.. r euu lyin mi?.. i dono.. i tend 2 blive ppl easily in de end oways got deceive n fal n hurt myself.. i dono m i 2 sensitive or m i rite.. euu r oways tt suspicious.. everytime i ask euu euu oways com up wif good reasons.. ish dose lies or truth.. i reali dono.. onli euu noe yrself.. hope euu dui de qi yrself.. i thin i wil giv up de onli i nid time n hav de enuf determination n will den i wil b able 2 do so ba.. do euu reali treat mi wif yr heart or r euu jus tryin 2 play wif mi?.. do euu reali love mi wif yr heart seriously or r euu jus jokin wif mi.. urrgh.. i feel so fucked n fed up.. jus lik a headless chicken runnin ard.. i nid a direction.. dou he ish unfair 2 mi bt i stil choose dis path.. i deserve it n serve mi right 2 b lik dis.. i m jus a simple gal.. i don nid anythin.. i jus nid som or yt time ish tt so diff?.. i m so sick of waitin.. euu oways mak mi wait.. disappoin mi agn n agn.. upset mi agn n agn.. i stil chose 2 4giv euu.. i m jus tt stupid.. tt naive.. i m jus tt utterly disappointed.. tt utterly tired.. tt utterly sick.. disappointment sufferin n unhapiness ish tt so much more den happiness n laughter.. Do euu ever spare a tod fr mi.. i doubt so.. euu onli care 4 yrself.. thin 4 yr own.. euu nv care 4 my feelin at all.. euu onli 1 2 b hapi bt euu dono i m sacrificin my self 2 let euu b hapi n end up sadness 4 my own.. i feel lik i m nth bt jus a toy or puppet of yrs.. hapi n free den look mi up don nid mi den throw mi aside lik no body business.. hu m i de hell 2 euu?.. i m hurt times n times agn by euu bt times n times agn i stil fal 2 euu.. i wil c hw it goes.. conti 2 go ahead or i wil turn my back.. wait til i hav collapse n i wil surrender de game n everythin ish game over 4 us.. i wil giv up.. tt de end n full stop.. i wish 2 b de old mi sa tuo de guo sheng huo..

Fucked Up...

Hmm.. beri long nv update my blog le.. been beri busy wif my work n no time 4 blog.. anw no mood 2 blog oso.. feel so fucked up.. hmm.. sch startin tml le.. damn sian uh.. don feel lik gg sch.. i don lik sch life.. gt used 2 no sch le.. nw gg 2 re-adapt sch life agn le.. sian siaN siAN sIAN SIAN!!!.. gotta mis my life workin at jubilant le dou stil wil b gg back 2 work on tue n wed bt cant go work everydae.. gg mis dose beloved colleagues n boss.. thin dey gg 2 mis mi oso ba.. lol.. ytd went 4 sec sch gatherin at sentosa.. oso sian la.. bt ish a good 1 2 meet up wif old frene.. all look omost de same onli a few of dem seem 2 eat beta uh all bcom plumper.. den qi liang chg quite a lot i cant even recognise.. lol.. my laopo zhen quan bcom thinner le.. poor thin.. pls eat more n bcom fatter euu onli left bones nia i cant feel any flesh.. n go hav more tann euu r 2 white le.. ytd ard 20 plus ppl turn up 4 de gatherin ba.. de grp ish split into 3 grp.. mi yp jovell n pamela ish 1 grp cos we don 1 get tann so we stae in de shade de whole dae we did nth much onli playin card game.. dou we stae in de shade de whole dae bt mi n yp stil gt tann n we gt sunburnt.. wtf.. i hate sunburnt la n even hate 2 bcom dark.. ish beri es 4 mi 2 bcom dark bt ish beri diff 4 mi 2 bcom white.. urrgh.. i hate it.. ytd smth happenin happen.. dere ish dis uncle keep hangin ard our area.. we spotted him beri long ald.. he look so wierd n suspicious.. he keep lookin at us n keep lookin at de life guard.. at 1st mi n zq tod he ish gay jus 1 2 peep at guy.. we keep lookin at him.. den suddenly he pick 2 bags n leave beri fast.. dose bags were 2 japanese bags startin we tod ish his bag or wat den we feel kinda wierd n thin hw com uncle tak gal bag den wen he leave his look ish lik "i am a thief".. mi n zq stare at him takin de bag away we stunned la dono wat 2 do den let him gt away.. wth.. we so guilty sia.. den we kip lookin 4 de owner of dose bags den dey finally com bac n i told dem wat happen.. dey look so relax sia.. lik nth happen can even smile n laugh.. den after tt dey left n we took a few grp photo n mi n yp left le.. hmm.. my phone so fucked up sia.. i jus bought nt long den nw so many prob.. i oways tod nokia provide good brand phone.. bt i thin i m wrong sia.. i bought Nokia 5310.. jus ard 2 week dou drop 1 time bt so many prob ald.. last time no matter hw many time i drop nokia fone stil function so well.. bt nt dis time round.. de fone keep on hanged la.. keep auto shut.. de most funny n wierd thin ish de fone occur lik dis onli wen i type msg wen i type de word "lor" or wen i nid 2 type 5 6 & 7 tgt den it wil lik dis.. wtf.. hu can help n tel mi wat ish gg wrong why dis ish happenin?..

No More Night Out... No Drinking... No Smoking

Humph.. no more nite out 4 mi le.. gotta reach home wen sunset.. sadded la.. lik kena probation lik dis lor.. cos of wat?.. cos of my bad luck.. a few daes ago i dreamt abt myself pass away den hold funeral all sort of crap la.. my mama n him oso eyelid keep jumping 4 de whole dae.. kinda eerie uh.. den my mama n other frene sae nt good lei mus go ask dua di ah pek n c hw lor.. den wed i go 2 tt place agn.. haha.. as expected i c de handsom di ah pek.. i noe his name le.. he cal michael.. he ish a humorous guy lor.. gt 2 chat wif him tt dae.. he resemble my frene nicholas.. lol.. back 2 topic.. den i went 2 seek da ah pek.. he keep shakin his head lor.. he tel mi my luck ish bad dis month cos of qing ming festival.. i dreamt abt tt ish a beri bad dream den sae he wil help mi n lucky i cam in time.. he sae tt dose 'good bros' ish lookin 4 mi 1 2 harm n tak away my life lor.. he sae i wil b able 2 c dem agn dis month den ask mi i scare ma.. i sae i don scare la cos c until don 1 c ald ma.. den he sae den euu 1 2 c som more la.. den i lugh n sae don 1 la.. hee.. den he oso sae tt he help mi 2ce ald cant oways help mi.. ask mi bcareful.. don go out at nite if possible.. mus reach home wen sunset.. wth.. sian uh.. i onli go out at nite de lei.. den i oso ask abt my back ache prob cos it started 2 pain agn.. den he ask mi whether i gt drink ma.. i was lik.. eeer.. don dare 2 ans him la.. cos my mama dono i drink den she ish bside mi.. bt i stil admit in de end.. den he ask mi 1 quit drinkin.. hmm.. i sld b able 2 quit ba since i addicted nt long onli.. a few months ago i hav 2 drink 1ce a week bt recently i gt 2 drink everydae lei.. bt i stil manage 2 say 'no' wen ytd ppl offer mi 2 drink.. haha.. aizai sia.. den after tt he oso ask mi whether i gt smoke ma.. i more scare 2 ans him la.. i keep stammer.. actually 1 2 deny de.. bt i thin he noe le i stil admit in de end.. in my mind i was lik shit la.. die ald.. wtf.. mama sure wil hack mi la.. den he oso ask mi 2 quit oso.. humph.. no smoking.. no drinking.. no nite outing.. WTF!.. sen man guan uh.. i can minimise nite outin.. i can try nt 2 drink bt i cant quit smokin la.. so i stil conti smokin.. haha.. den after tt wen we on de way home.. as expected.. my mama reali niam mi.. ask mi wen i bcom lik dis.. cam 2 learn all dis.. my mama don lik ppl 2 drink de n don lik gals 2 smoke.. den i sae i onli occasionally onli la.. i wil stop de la=X.. den she sae tt actually she ald noe i gt smoke de cos wen i secretly smoke at home she can smel it.. bt she dint expose mi la.. heng uh.. reli unexpected lor.. my mama nv scold mi tt jia lat lik i thin.. *phew*..